


Painful Memories

by wispofgloom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean finally admits his feelings, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:57:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wispofgloom/pseuds/wispofgloom
Summary: After meeting an old acquaintance, Dean recalls the story of the first guy he ever kissed, and how he almost killed him.





	Painful Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This, aside from them meeting at a gas n sip, is to be a backstory for this character in an AU I'm writing. I thought I'd publish this because I'm not sure I'll finish writing the full AU.

Dean walks into the Gas N Sip that he, Sam and Cas had stopped at on the way back to the bunker from a hunt, grabs a couple things from around the store, then heads to the counter to check out. The familiar eyes of a young boy from suppressed memory look back into his. His name tag reads ‘Evan’, but Dean knows him as “Noah?” He stares at him in disbelief. The man behind the counter looks back at him, eyes wide, and his eyes glance around the store.

“..Dean? What are you doing here?” He looks out the window to see Sam and another man- no, an angel, in the car that Dean had been driving since they had met as teenagers. “And who’s the angel?” 

Dean looks at him, surprised. “You can tell?” 

‘Evan’ nods. “I can see his halo, yeah.”

“What have a lot to catch up on… when’s your shift over?”

Evan looks at the clock. “Now, actually.” He runs Dean’s stuff through then walks to the back, tapping the kid who is waiting to start his shift on the shoulder, making him think it’s his time to work. In reality, Evan still had 45 minutes left in his shift and this kid was just there early, but he doesn’t really care.

He quickly gets changed and heads out with the hunter, plopping down in the back seat beside Castiel.

“Who are you?” Cas questions, looking Evan over. 

“An old friend.” He smiles, looking in the mirror at Dean in the driver’s seat. 

~

Dean sits next to Cas across the table from Evan and Sam, in the bar where the four decided to go for drinks. “So… what do you remember about when we first met?” The nephilim eyes him expectantly, and Sam and Cas look between them. 

Dean sighs, taking a sip of his beer. “Everything.”

 

_ Thursday, November 16th, 1995. Bloomington, IL. _

_ Dean walks into the library, plopping down at the only computer in the place. It was a miracle they had one, but what wasn’t a miracle was that there was a younger looking boy sitting at the table next to it, looking through a newspaper. Dean sighs, deciding to still do his research using the machine, despite the possible attention the screen may get from the eyes of the kid next to him. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” The small teen asks, just as he pulls up a page with the news of the freak storm that struck a cow. _

_ “The freaky stuff that’s been happening around here. My dad wanted me to look at it. Was curious.” He pushes on the side of the computer, slightly turning it away from the boy. “I could tell you about it, if you wanted. Lots of stuff happens around here.” Dean raises his eyebrows, turning to face him. “That would be great, actually.” He smiles. _

_ “But,” The kid turns to actually face him, and Dean is in disbelief. His eyes are two distinctly different colours, and it’s kind of freaking him out, but he also likes it. They’re beautiful, like a forest and the sea. “You’ll have to help me with something.” He looks back to his newspaper, it displaying “ _ **_For Rent_ ** _ ” at the top of the page. “Aren’t you a little young to be looking for an apartment?” Dean questions, causing the boy to look away. “I can’t live at home anymore.” _

_ Dean somehow understands. Maybe something happened and he can’t look at the place anymore, or his parents are abusive or something.  _

_ “Oh, I uh… I get it. What’s your name?” The boy looks back into his eyes, now looking a little more relaxed, answers “Noah. What’s yours?” Dean smiles, holding out his hand to shake. “Dean, Dean Winchester.” They shake hands and Noah smiles. “Well, Dean, where do you want to start?” _

_ “How about you tell me what happened to the cows and with the storm, and then I’ll help you find an apartment?” Noah smiles, nodding. “Sounds like a deal.” He looks at the screen, then points at the picture of a lightning strike that’s displayed. The storm was way worse than just some dark clouds and a lightning strike. The sky was almost green, it was pouring rain and there was so much lightning I’m surprised someone’s house didn’t get a tree on top of it. That poor cow, though. Farmer Kent always had trouble getting her inside during storms but.. She wouldn’t mooooove.” He and Dean share a chuckle at his stupid joke. “In all seriousness, though. She stood in the same place for an hour, he said, and she kept calling, but she wouldn’t move. Then the lightning struck. When he went out to see her after the storm passed, he said it smelled like someone cooked a steak.” Dean winces. He doesn’t take in all of the information because he can’t stop staring. Noah is really cute. He can’t be any older than Sam, but there’s something more mature about him. That’s when he notices a scar on his neck, then another on his collarbone that looks like it continues under his shirt. He must be abused, and badly from how deep those cuts must have been.  _

_ “Thanks, Noah. Has anything else weird gone on around here in the past?” He looks to be thinking for a minute, then nods. “Come to think of it, yeah. Cows die all the time. Chickens and smaller pets are found torn apart. But no one’s ever found any animals that could do something like that.” Dean nods. “What do you think’s happening?” He gazes at Noah’s lips, and then he sees a soft blush come across his face.  _

_ “I think…” he looks around, and upon seeing no one, leans in close to Dean. “... that you’re staring.” He looks up, a semi-seductive look in his eye as he gazes into Dean’s. “Like what you see, Winchester?” This causes Dean to blush, and a weird sensation to appear in his stomach, kinda like the one he got when he had his first kiss, except this time, this was a boy.  _

_ “I.. uh…” He bites his lip, his eyes darting around the library when he sees no one, then spots the bathroom. He hesitates a moment before leaning in and kissing Noah deeply. It feels similar to kissing girls because Noah is so small and dainty, but different because instead of smelling like flowers and tasting like strawberries, he smells like pine and tastes like… whiskey? How old is this kid? Dean doesn’t care, he’s kissing him and Noah’s kissing back and it feels good, and suddenly he leads Dean to the bathroom and they’re making out in a stall and then his phone starts to ring. He sighs, then taking a moment to catch his breath before answering the phone.  _

_ “Hey, Sammy. What’s up?” He looks over at Noah, who’s face is red and lips are slightly swollen. He looks  _ _ really _ _ hot. _

_ “When are you gonna be done? I’m getting hungry and I wanna know if I should go get myself food or if you’re coming now and will on your way home.” Dean sighs in relief. No emergencies, no worries.  _

_ “Go get yourself something. I think there’s an arcade in town too, you should go have a little fun, Sammy. There’s a bit of cash in my bag, take it for dinner. Use yours for the arcade.” _ _   
_ _ Dean can hear the smile in Sam’s voice. “Awesome! Thanks Dean!”  _

_ “Okay, no problem, just… call when you’re on your way back to the motel, okay?”  _

_ “Alright. See you later!” Sam hangs up, and Dean looks back towards Noah, smirking. “Wanna take that newspaper and come back to my motel so we can find you an apartment?” Noah returns the smirk, pushing Dean against the stall door and kissing him deeply once again. “Of course.” _

 

“The library, the phone call, bringing you back to the motel… going back to the motel after almost trying to kill you...” Dean looks down at his food.

“If you had just left me at the library…” Dean nods. “Yeah. I know.” 

“Why didn’t you?” Evan stares as Dean laughs for a few moments. 

“Why didn’t he?” Sam laughs as well. “He was a horny 17 year old who just discovered he has a thing for this boy, why wouldn’t he bring him back to his motel room?”

“I don’t know why I got so mad at you for just making out with me. We barely knew each other.”

“Yeah but, you didn’t know about the circumstances.”

“Yeah… I guess. It was really stupid thinking back on it though. After all, I started it.”

“You know, I remember Dean killing you. You memory swiped me, didn’t you?” Sam questions, looking at Evan. He raises a hand, giving Sam the memory back that he had taken from him all those years ago. Sam’s eyes go wide as he suddenly remembers the night differently than he had this whole time. He feels tears well in his eyes. How could his father do that?

“So… what did happen after the library?” Cas asks innocently. 

“We’ll tell you, Angel.” Evan smiles at him.

 

_ Dean takes Noah back to the room his dad had got for him and his brother, and after a few minutes of glossing over the rental section of the paper, Noah has Dean pinned to the bed, their lips locked together, Noah straddling the older boy. They lose track of time, and eventually, Noah pulls away and smiles at Dean. “You’re good at that.”  _

_ Dean returns it sitting up and forcing Noah beside him. “So are you.” Noah looks into Dean’s eyes, then looks around the room at the two small duffel bags sitting on a table. “How long are you staying for?” He questions, shifting so he has a better view of the rest of the room, not spying any more bags, but seeing a gun on the side table of the other bed. “Not long. And uh…” Dean frowns, looking down at his hands, then back to the other boy. “I don’t think I can see you again. Or talk to you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”  _

_ Noah wants to laugh in Dean’s face and say ‘you can’t hurt me! I’ve tried a thousand times!’ but instead he finds himself getting upset. This was a one time thing, and he’s probably just another face to this guy. He frowns, pushing himself further away on the bed.  _ _   
_ _ “Get hurt how? With that gun on the table over there? Or by you just using me to make out with.” Dean frowns. “Noah, I-” He holds up a hand in Dean’s face, then stands, grabbing his newspaper and storming to the door. “Save it.” He opens the door, slamming it and running out.  _

_ A few seconds later, it opens again, and Sam walks in. “What was his problem?” He sets a box of food on the table and starts to take off his jacket, when there sounds a loud boom of thunder, then a flash of bright lightning only seconds afterwards.  _

_ Dean’s eyes go wide. “He’s a witch!” He stands and races to grab his jacket and a knife. Sam raises an eyebrow. “What?” Dean grabs a gun, handing it to his brother. “He got mad at me and a storm happened, does that not sound witchy to you?” Sam shrugs. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence.” Dean shakes his head. “He knew too much about the weird stuff that happens here.” He heads towards the door and his brother follows. _

_ They can’t find Noah anywhere around the motel, so they hop in the car and drive around for a while, eventually spotting him walking down a street in town. Dean quickly parks, and they follow him on foot until they spot an alley, where they push him inside. Dean tackles him to the ground and holds the knife above his heart. _

_ Noah looks up at him with panicked eyes, and not knowing what to do, grabs Dean’s arms and stops him. “Dean, please. I don’t know what I did but whatever it was-” _

_ “You’re a witch, aren’t you?” Dean’s gaze is sad, and his hands are shaky. He liked Noah, he didn’t want to have to kill him.  _

_ “No! I’m not, I- I don’t know what I am. I just know that when I get upset bad things happen like storms and animal deaths. I accidentally killed my cat when I got frustrated when I woke up after drinking three bottles of my Dad’s strongest whiskey. All I had after that was a bad hangover and a bloody mess on my living room walls.” _

_ “Did you do that because your parents hurt you?” Dean questions, pointing to the scars on his neck. _

_ “My family is dead. Those are from the car accident they died in.” Dean drops his hands to his sides, but keeps hold of the knife.  _

_ He raises it again only a moment later. “You could hurt someone. It’s my job to protect people.” _

_ "Come on, Dean. We don't have to tell Dad, we'll just say we killed him."  _

_ Dean looks sadly down at the boy beneath him. He was a newfound friend in a sea of people he could never see again because he'd be putting them in 'danger'. He looks hopeless. After all, he has nothing. Regardless, he can't bring himself to drive the blade through his heart. Instead, he drops the knife to the side and leans down, hugging him tightly. _

_ He whispers in the boy's ear, "I'm so sorry we put you through this, after everything you've already been through." then softly kisses his forehead. He cuts the boy's hand open, covering the blade in his blood, as their dad has started asking for proof. _

_ Dean stands, looking back one last time at the orphan laying on the cold, wet ground of the alley. As soon as he and Sam turn away, the boy's hand heals itself, like it was never cut in the first place. The brothers walk away, unknowing that they couldn't have killed him, even if they tried. _

_ After spying a car that had stopped on the other side of the street from the alleyway pull away as Dean and Sam left, Noah decides to go back to their motel and watch them through the window.  _

_ “So... you like guys  _ _ and _ _ girls?” Sam questions as they walk through the door. “Yeah… I guess. Its kinda weird but, it’s not as wrong as people make it out to be.” Dean takes out some pyjamas from his bag. Before he has the chance to put them on, John slams the door to the motel, causing an even louder booming noise than the thunder from earlier.  _ _   
_ _ “Dean Winchester, why the HELL did you KISS that BOY?” John drops his bag, storming across the room and grabbing his son by the shoulders. Sam runs to the bathroom, closing the door and locking himself inside.  _

_ “I-- he.. I uh....” Dean starts to shake. He has no idea what to say. “NO SON OF MINE IS A FAG!” He shoves him into the wall, causing Dean to his his head and back hard against it. He can smell the alcohol on his dad’s breath, which scares him more. He gets really violent when he’s drunk. “It was just-” He has nothing to say. “HE WAS A MONSTER, AND YOU LET HIM GET AWAY? WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?” He hits Dean across the face, in the ribs, stomach, and in the face again. “YOU DISGUST ME!” He throws him to the ground, hitting him more. Dean kept begging his dad to stop, and when he started yelling it, in the fuss, John knocked Dean’s gun off of the table, and it fired a shot. It didn’t hit anyone, but it scared the hell out of Sam. _

 

“I um… I know that’s what you told Evan that happened.. and I didn’t say anything at the time.. but I was worried for Dean because he started yelling for John to stop and so I cracked the door and saw what really happened.”

“Dean, you told me that part of the story. I had stopped watching because I was afraid of being seen, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you.” Sam looked at his brother. He knew why Dean had lied, because the truth was way scarier. “He picked Dean’s gun up off of the table and aimed it at his head.”

 

_ “I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT! HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE LEAD WE NEEDED TO FIND YELLOW EYES!!” Dean is sobbing at this point, but because his Dad is drunk, he’s able to knock the gun out of his hands, and it shoots when it hits the floor. While he’s surprised by the shot, Dean picks the gun back up, hitting him in the head with it, which in turn knocks him unconscious. _

_ He stands and backs up, going to the washroom to get his brother, but before he can get there, Noah appears in front of him. “What the hell?!” Dean jumps backwards, startled. He’s still shaking from the fight with his dad, after all, he got beat up pretty bad. His nose is bloody, his jaw is bruised, his eyes are already starting to go black from bruising, and his right arm is kind of hanging awkwardly from its socket. _

_ “I can help you, and I can make your dad forget this ever happened.” Dean looks intently into Noah’s eyes. “You can?” He nods. He rests a hand on Dean’s good shoulder, healing him completely. He then walks to John, putting his fingers to his temple. “He now remembers coming here after his hunt to see you two in bed, fast asleep, and then passing out. You’ll have to pretend this” he gestures between them “never happened, though. Alright?” Dean nods. “Thank you, Noah.” The smaller boy smiles. “Call it payback for you not killing me.” _

_ Dean leans in and whispers to Noah. “Can you memory wipe Sam, too? Make him think we killed you in the alleyway? I don’t want him to remember this, it’ll traumatize him.” Noah nods. “I’ll stay until he falls asleep.” Dean walks to the bathroom door, opening it and taking his brother into his arms. “It’s okay, Sammy. I’m okay.”  _

_ Sam cries into Dean’s shoulder, and Dean takes him to the bed, telling him to lay down and get some sleep, that everything would be okay, that their father just wasn’t in his right mind. Dean and Noah sit on the bed waiting for Sam to fall asleep. _

_ “So.. the gunshot.. What happened?” Noah looks into the older boy’s eyes, and Dean thinks on the spot. “My dad bumped the table and it fell. Safety was off so it shot for some reason. It startled him so I picked it up and knocked him out.” Noah nods. “I was worried he shot you.” Dean shakes his head. “No, he wouldn’t do that.” _

_ After a few more minutes, Sam is asleep, Noah, or as he goes by now, Evan, replaces Sam’s memory, gives Dean a short goodbye kiss, then vanishes. _

 

“So you just.. forgot about him after that?” Castiel looks intently at Dean.

“I forced myself to. I suppressed the memory because it hurt. I suppressed my feelings for guys because of that night, and besides Evan, I was the only one that remembered it even happened.”

“So… you do have interest in men?” Cas looks hopefully at Dean, who bites his lip.

“Well… there is this one guy. Well, he’s more of a celestial being in the body of a guy, but… he’s pretty interesting.” 

Sam groans. “ _ Finally! _ I thought you were never gonna say something.”

Castiel looks at Sam. “We still don’t know who he’s talking about, Sam. Who is it?”

Dean chuckles. “You, you stupid celestial being.” He smiles, pulling Cas into his side.


End file.
